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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

A Response to : When Doubts and Questions Arise (March 2015 Ensign)



I have recently seen the following article being shared on various social media: When Doubts and Questions Arise   in the March 2015 Ensign.   This topic has been a frequent one in the Mormon Church over the last few years with the recent admission that the Church is in the greatest period of apostasy since the days of Kirtland.   More and more talks have been devoted to this and related subjects in recent General Conferences. The Church has recently released several essays dealing with some of the topics that have led some to doubt and question.  The Church has recently excommunicated several high profile people and many lesser known individuals for their public expression of doubt.  It is clear that the LDS Church is at war with doubt in the Church.   Undoubtedly, the numbers of people leaving the Church with unresolved doubts and questions is significant enough that its leaders have felt the need to address it often and in some case with very strong language.

The article suggests that the difference between a questioner and a doubter is obedience. The author, Adam Kotter, states that  “A sincere questioner continues to be obedient while searching for answers” Mr. Kotter then goes on to point out what he believes is its opposite:  “…when people doubt their beliefs, they often suspend their commitments while waiting for answers. The doubter’s posture is generally to withhold obedience or limit it, pending resolution of doubts”

The above statement is printed in an LDS Church publication that is taken by some to be almost scripture.  It is a publication that has its contents shared regularly with its many members by trusted home teachers.   Many devout LDS families read diligently from the Ensign in their weekly Family Home Evenings.  The article was approved by the Church for publication in this article and thus it tacitly agrees with this view. This is how the Mormon Church views doubters and how it wants its members to view doubters: As people who want to be disobedient and modern day Korihors who are asking for a sign.    

I COMPLETELY REJECT THAT PREMISE

The article builds harmful walls, equating doubters with sinners and the disobedient. Just because one has doubts, does not mean that they are automatically going to disobey. I categorically reject that premise. If anything, I have learned that for most of those who begin to have doubts in the LDS Church, that their initial reaction is more often to INCREASE their obedience in an attempt to get answers precisely because they have been taught by the LDS Church that there is a correlation between worthiness, obedience and answers to prayers.  If anything, especially in the early phases of such doubt, doubters are MORE obedient than those who do not question.   They are taking increased care and watchfulness  that they are doing all that is expected of them in their quest for answers.  They ensure that their tithing is paid, that they are praying regularly, reading scriptures regularly, going to the Temple, holding family home evenings, keeping commandments and covenants and not even remotely considering buying a Coke.  

And yet, as they increase their obedience, they are met with accusations for daring to explore those questions.   Some get turned in to their Bishops for daring to question and seek answers openly and with integrity.   For the sake of sheer honesty, clarity and transparency, I would suggest the Church redefine what it means by a “sincere question.”   A sincere question is one that will lead you to believe that the Church is true.  All other questions are doubts and could not possibly be sincere.   Expressing any one of them is a sin and a sign of disobedience.  

John 20:24-29 we find the story of Thomas the Apostle.   He is perhaps the most famous doubter of all.   He expresses his doubt openly.   How did Jesus handle his doubt?  Did he condemn him for being disobedient?  No, he answered his questions!  

Matthew 28:17 We learn that even some of the remaining apostles still doubted even after knowing he was resurrected.  Christ responds to them and the Bible goes on to record their zeal in their missionary efforts after that visit. 

Acts 10:17 Peter is doubting a vision he had, and then the marvelous story of Cornelius unfolds addressing his very doubts and increasing his power and faith.  

In every case, these people are not condemned for their doubts, they are not accused of being disobedient, instead, they found answers, they found reason for faith.   

Will the author of this article have the temerity to suggest that Peter was disobedient, that some of the Eleven were sinners and that Thomas was the equivalent of Korihor? Shall they too be excommunicated for publicly expressing their doubt in a place no less visible than the scriptures themselves?     

A doubt IS when sincere question becomes more than a simple question.  Initial indications are troubling and raises the motivation to know.   And so it becomes a quest for truth. I wrote about this in my blog post “Doubting does not make you an apostate” 

Also let us be clear on the object of doubt.  The leaders of the LDS Church are attempting to equate doubt in the LDS Church with doubt in God and Christ.   Indeed, the many scriptures cited enjoining one not to doubt are telling you to not doubt Christ and to not doubt God.   Active LDS members that find themselves doubting are often not doubting God or Christ.  Rather, they are doubting the foundational claims of the institutional LDS Church.   The LDS Church is not God. 

The article goes on to explore the connection, well known by members of the Church, between worthiness and answers to prayers.   If you are not getting answers to your prayers and to your questions, then according to the article, the initial reaction should be to look inward and ask “Lord, is it I?”  A principle of LDS Faith is that answers do not come to the disobedient.  The problem with that premise is that then no one should ever receive an answer, for we have all sinned in one way or another.  This leads to an unhealthy destruction of the self.  As answers continue to elude the questions begin:  Where else have I been unworthy?  A downward spiral begins where truly good and wonderful people suffer great depression and in some cases consider, attempt or sadly even succeed at suicide as their doubts in the Church increase and they are met with wall after wall in their quest to find answers.   

It is not the doubt itself that creates the depression and leads to suicide.  But rather, the reaction of the Church and its members to those who doubt.  Making doubters feel as not worthy, casting them out as sinners and disobedient exactly as this article suggests. 

Is it any wonder that many active LDS members who begin to doubt, are filled with fear at raising those doubts? The scriptures teach us that “perfect love casteth out fear”  1 John 4:18   yet there is no perfect love for those who doubt in the Church.  Instead there is nothing but fear.  Lots of it.   Fear that leads to divorce, to ostracism and sometimes excommunication.   In not a single instance in scripture, is there fear of doubt, in each case when Christ was faced with a doubter, he embraced them and gave them a reason to have faith.  

Sadly, the author of this article is still not finished with condemning doubters.  He seems a doubter as someone who is “…talking yourself into answers you want to believe rather than receiving true answers from God”

TO A MAN AND WOMAN, of the hundreds I know who have left the Church, and the hundreds of additional stories I have read of those who left the Church.  Every single one of these people WANTED the Church to be true.   The answers they wanted were ones that validated for them that the LDS Church was true, which was their starting point.   No one talks themselves into it a disbelief of the Church. Rather, they start off aggressively attacking those doubts and assuming them to be false.  And as their doubts rose, they kept trying to talk themselves into an answer that supported the Church.   LDS leaders completely fail to either recognize or acknowledge this.   


The final insult is that the author implies that those who doubt are not willing to do what it takes to get an answer.   Are doubters willing to do what it takes?  YES…a thousand times yes.   If a general authority believes that those who have left the Church have not prayed diligently, inquired diligently, fasted, went to the temple, magnified their callings with greater diligence, and attempted in all ways to be more obedient in their quest for truth…then he does not know his people and has no hope of offering them any help. Instead, he does exactly as this article does…alienates them even further and accelerates their exit from the Church. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Kicking your children out of the house: The excommunications of John Dehlin and Kate Kelly


I have been a proud and devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints almost my entire life.   There were so many things I loved about being Mormon.   Among them was the huge emphasis on family.   I am not just talking about the supremely important focus on eternal families either.   The Church itself was a family.  We call one another brother and sister.   We looked out for one another.   We were friends beyond Church.   There is such a tight knit community in a local ward, that many ward members genuinely look upon one another as family.  

I was raised by a single mother.   I can’t begin to tell you what a great support the Church, our ward especially, was for her and for us.   Lots of men stepped in as surrogate fathers to take me to father’s and sons outings or to Priesthood activities.  When my grandmother fell seriously ill and my mom needed to go out of the country to help care for her, the ward looked over her three young children as if we were their own.   The Church was my life 24/7.  

The two episodes regarding the excommunication of John Dehlin and Kate Kelly has brought out the best and worst in many people associated with the LDS world, both among devout Mormons and former Mormons and every shade of belief & membership in between.   What strikes me about the discourse by some devout members is how glad many of them are that Kate and John are no longer members of the Church.  They not only defend the action of the Church in excommunicating them, they applaud it.  Some have truly wished them well and have respected their decision while disagreeing with their views.  But others have gone so far as to call them the anti-Christ, they've compared them to Satan, or definitely at least one of Satan’s minions (although without the yellow skin color).  They have not only cheered their excommunications, but have basically commented that they were glad they were gone…”don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”     

One image that recently come to mind as I have considered their excommunications is Christ’s parable of the prodigal son.   Most certainly, from the perspective of a devout member of the Church, both John and Kate would be considered prodigals.   They did not want to wait for answers.  They wanted them now.   They see John and Kate as people who have taken their share of the Father’s estate (the blessings of the restored Gospel) and gone and wasted it.    I would not be surprised if some of them now expect John and Kate to engage in riotous living now that they have left their Father’s home.   As one interviewer asked John, “Will you drink coffee now?”     

But something about that parable and every single one of Christ’s teachings hit me as I pondered that analogy.   The Father of the prodigal son never kicks his son out of the house.  He actually gave his prodigal son what he asked.   The prodigal decides to leave on his own and sure enough, off he goes.   There is no possible image in my mind, no scenario where I can hear Christ’s voice chainging the parable to where it is the Father kicking the prodigal son out of his home.   I cannot see the Father of the prodigal son going back into his house proclaiming  “good riddance!”   Yet that is exactly what many of John and Kate’s former family members, former brother and sisters are saying today.  Good riddance!

I keep hearing that if they don’t like the Church they should leave.   Problem is, for John and Kate and many others like them…the Church was always more than just a religious organization to them.   It was their family.  Have you ever disagreed with your spouse? With your brother and sister?   Have you ever tried to change your spouse, brother or sister?   Have you ever been critical of your spouse, brother, or sister?   Who are the people with whom you should be most transparent and vulnerable?  -- your family.   John and Kate love the Church and still do.  It has been their family for their whole lives.   And now, their family has kicked them out of the house for doing what we all do in our families – disagree and want to talk about it openly.           

But rather than the New Testament parable of love and forgiveness, there appears to be an Old Testament analogy that is more fitting here.   John and Kate have reached out in their hearts just simply with an attempt to “steady the ark”, something that they both love dearly and deeply.  The Old Testament God instead has struck them down as Uzzah of old.   They may not be literally dead as Uzzah was in the Old Testament, but with every eternal blessing known in the LDS heavens revoked, from an LDS perspective, they might as well be. A not so uncommon saying by some LDS parents is that they would rather see their kids dead than leave the Church.     

Many years ago, I interviewed at a company in Utah.  The guy that picked me up at the airport seemed obviously LDS to me.   It wasn't long before we started talking about the Church.  His feelings were hard and bitter.   It was inconceivable to me, but years previously, he was scared and nervous about going on a mission, very hesitant about committing to it.   His father walked into his room three months after his 19th birthday and asked him, “are you going on a mission?”  When he said he still wasn't sure…the father kicked him out of the house.   I have no doubt that there is more to the story than what he shared, but sadly his is not the only story with a similar theme.  Since then I have heard of many and documented hundreds of stories of Mormons who have been kicked out of their homes because of their doubts or lack of belief in the Church, marriages that have ended up in divorce as one spouse loses their testimony and the other kicks them out of the house and away from their children for no longer believing, some whose depression at being kicked out by their loved ones has led to deep depression and suicide.   Those are some of the people that John was fighting for.  Some of the women whose voice Kate carried.  


I can understand why so many devout members defend and applaud the excommunication of both John and Kate.  Yet, somehow, I can’t help but think that Christ would have handled things somewhat differently.  In full view of his disciples, Christ answered the questions of Thomas, the famous doubter, and showed him the evidence of his death and resurrection.…Christ told him that he was blessed for his questioning spirit.    Christ, as the Father of the prodigal son, would have never kicked his children out of the house.   Yes, John and Kate disagreed and were critical of the Church and its doctrine, but what is always left out, is that they loved the Church, the Church was their family.  And their family has just kicked them out.