I AM NOT AN ANTI-MORMON

The word “Anti-Mormon” has dogged me ever since my first serious questions and doubts about the Church claims of truth, the version of history the Church taught, and some elements of LDS culture began weighing upon me years ago.   I began studying in earnest and ran smack into the Anti-Mormon wall.        

I was afraid of that word.  I was afraid that I might become a victim of so-called  Anti-Mormon people,  Anti-Mormon literature and Anti-Mormon websites.      I was afraid that what I found and what I was learning were somehow coming from “Anti-Mormon” sources.    Back then, I thought that just about anything that came from an “Anti-Mormon” source had to be a lie.   Yet, time after time,   I would confirm facts that I was sure were “Anti-Mormon” lies.   That confirmation would come from Church sources.  Things that I knew to be true after confirming them from Church sources I was being told by fellow members that they were lies and untrue.   Trust began to be shaken.  While debate rages over the many interpretations of facts both pro/anti and every shade in between, the facts themselves remained stubborn.  You either struggle to account for them, or you choose to ignore them.

Many of us, who for most of our lives had so much faith in the Church, and incredible faith in a God who would answer prayers impacting eternal salvation much like he had for Joseph Smith, find it difficult to ignore difficult questions and difficult to believe that God would help us find our keys, but not help us resolve an issue that had an impact on our testimonies.   We were not afraid to confront them.  I was one who was sure that the issues raised would turn out to be either Anti-Mormon lies, or that some perfectly logical explanation existed, or perhaps that some fact that I was missing would be found.  Ultimately, given that I was searching with a sincere heart and real intent, that God would answer a specific prayer about the specific topic being researched.  

The more I learned about issues that for some reason were not found in any manual, I sought out people to discuss it.  Did they know about this?   Did they have any insights?  Was I living in a hole?  What were their thoughts?  Could they point me to a source that I was unaware of? 

At first I turned to my wife.   I was hit with an immediate threat.  Everything I read was from Satan, if I left the Church, she would divorce me, she told me to get my head out of the Anti-Mormon world.   She did not believe that I had confirmed the issues as legitimate questions from Church sources.   Nor did she care to see that for herself.  Talking to her about this created enough strife in our marriage that we could not talk about it anymore.

 

I next turned to my Bishop.  He thought the questions were interesting, but he did not want to discuss them.  He thought he might look them up after he was released.  But his focus had to be on building faith…He suggested that I ignore it all. 

These were questions that I dared not raise during a Sunday School Class, or Priesthood.  There was no opportunity to do so, since none of the lessons ever addressed any of the questions that I had.   I also felt that raising them in Church would detract from the Spirit and purpose of the meeting.   SO I kept silent about them in Church.  There just seemed to be nowhere to go to discuss these things.

I took to social media, mainly Facebook.   I had a much wider group of LDS friends online…not just those I ran into in my ward or stake, but LDS friends from my mission, from the ward I grew up in, my young single adult wards, and so on.  Surely, someone out there would know something I did not.   I talked to my LDS friends because I trusted them and because I did not want to talk with the so called Anti-Mormons about my questions.   And of course, members tell you to avoid talking to them, so I did.  

The reaction was interesting.   Some certainly did join in on the discussions.   I learned a lot from them and I truly enjoyed the back and forth that inevitably occurs when many different people engage.   .  It was great to get a wide variety of views.   I soon realized that many were watching my discussions online without participating.  Some of them wrote to me directly and privately, thanking me for asking questions they had but never had the courage to ask.  I had more support than I thought.   I started gaining followers as people heard I was openly discussing more difficult questions on my Facebook page.  I did not seek out these followers, they just came on their own.

But then the criticisms began.  At first they were gentle, warning me that some people had weaker testimonies and could be impacted by our discussions negatively.   Some began to wonder if I were out to discredit the Church.   Some wrote to me directly, asking me to stop or asking me to continue the discussion somewhere more private.   And of course, someone “out of concern” reported my activity to the Bishop. 

In deference to those who were worried that I was impacting people’s testimonies, I created my first Facebook group.  A place reserved only for those who were interested in discussing Mormonism and unafraid to examine closely each of the issues.   The group was a closed group.  No way that anyone who did not want to engage in those discussions would see it. But that was not enough.  It wasn't long before I was accused of setting up an Anti-Mormon group in an attempt to persuade all my friends the Church was wrong.  

I also started blogging about what I was learning , what I was feeling and what I was observing.  It was just a place to capture my thoughts, record them for later review.   I would share the blog with others so I could get their reactions… Was I right? Was I wrong? Was I missing something?   Was there a better way of looking at things?  I just placed it out there.  I did not encourage anyone to read it.  I really did not care if anyone read it.   But I certainly did welcome any and all reactions from anyone who did.     

Once again, I was reported to the Bishop.   More and more people became convinced that I was on some type of vendetta against the Church, attempting to undermine the faith of others.  All I was trying to do was to shore up my own faith which by this time had begun to falter.     

The Bishop talked with me in his office and he directly asked me to stop writing about the Church?  What??!!  I could not believe what he asked.  I grew up loving the LDS doctrine regarding the fight for Free Agency led by Christ and Michael in the pre-existence.  I felt that that such a fight was my fight.   Yet here was my Bishop asking me to no longer write or discuss what I was learning.  It felt more like the Bishop was embracing Satan’s plan who would make sure everyone was saved by enforcing conformity, by taking away free agency and by extension, the right to question.   I asked him point blank “Are you trying to muzzle me?”   That took him aback.   My Bishop is a good man and was a good friend.   I don’t think he honestly recognized that he was doing precisely that.   He backtracked and emphatically said no, but was unable to say more.

Why are people who ask difficult and perhaps critical questions in a sincere search for truth made to feel like pariahs in the Church?  For many devout members, their definition of “sincere questions with real intent” are only those that lead to a testimony of the Church.   All other questions are perceived as an intentional attempt to undermine the Church.

I have since been called many names that go along with being an Anti-Mormon.  I am also a Church hater, a follower of Satan, one of Satan’s minions.  I have denied Christ and have crucified him anew.  I am one of the elect who has been deceived.  I have been accused of intentionally attempting to lead children of other members astray.  I’ve been told that I am on an Anti-Mormon tirade and that I am campaigning to get people to leave the Church.   I have been compared to Judas and someone who would be among the crucifiers of Christ.   Need I say more?  Why would I want to be a part of people who think that of me?

If anything, those accusations have raised resentment and in some cases, anger, in many people like me.  We were just seeking answers to very hard questions, questions that were disturbing to us and were disturbing to our understanding of LDS claims of truth.  We took those questions to our LDS fellowship in good faith seeking support and direction.  Instead, we get accused of attempting to undermine the Church and lead others astray.   We have been rebuffed.   I am not surprised that many of my friends who have experienced this have become angry and resentful as to how they were treated by some members.   I totally understand why some of them indeed have become “Anti-Mormons”  To be sure, there are definitely people who are Anti-Mormon and proud of it.   Zelph on the shelf has a great article entitled: "Why I'm proud to be an Anti-Mormon" describing their own feelings on this similar topic.  http://zelphontheshelf.com/why-im-proud-to-be-anti-mormon/

But what is an Anti-Mormon? Perhaps I am in some denial protesting against being labeled an Anti-Mormon when I really might be.    I asked a bunch of my devout LDS friends on how they defined an Anti-Mormon.   Four clear themes arose from their answers.

1)      An Anti-Mormon is someone who was a strong emotion/feeling of hatred towards the Church and/or its members.

2)      An Anti -Mormon is someone who is actively and intentionally trying to persuade others that the LDS Church is not true.

3)      An Anti-Mormon is someone who is actively and intentionally trying to undermine confidence in the leaders of the Church

4)      An Anti-Mormon is someone who is actively and intentionally attempting to undermine the credibility of the LDS Church as a religious organization.

Using the above four points as a definition of an Anti-Mormon, here are my reactions:

1)      I do not hate the Church.  To hate the Church would be to hate myself.   I was raised and grew up a Mormon by a single Mother who was a convert.   The ward I grew up in was amazing and they were a huge support to my mother and sisters and I.  I loved my mission and do not regret serving one.   I am proud of the LDS ancestry that all LDS members inherit.  What the pioneers accomplished was incredible in the midst of the hardships they endured should bring the admiration of anyone. I do not hate any church members either.  The ones that I know are all good people striving hard to follow the Prophet and follow Christ as best as they can.   Those who have been antagonistic towards me have truly been a minority of the members that I personally know, but with enough motivation in them to silence me that thanks to their playing Big Brother and turning me in to my Bishop and later having members of the Stake Presidency watching whatever I said or wrote.  Like it or not, I will always be a Mormon and I still have a great love for all of my LDS friends and family.  I still to this day defend the Church to those who are viewing some aspect of it incorrectly.   

2)      I have no intention or desire to convince anyone else that the LDS Church is not true.  I have come to my own conclusions, but those are my own.   Everyone is free to seek their own answers to life’s great questions.   But that doesn’t mean that I will stop writing or thinking about the Church either.   I want to know what LDS members think of the issues that face them today and that are more and more making it into mainstream media for millions of non-Mormons to digest as well.   Woiuldn't they rather have their voice heard as a response than those of people who hate them?  If I wanted to destroy a members testimony, I would actively and intentionally push the CES letter on my devout LDS friends, I would continually attack the historicity of the Book of Mormon, I would attack other foundational aspects of the claims of the church.  I would do so openly and publicly.  But I do not.  I probably post more positive articles about the Church than negative ones.   On the other hand, if anyone asks me, I will answer any question about the Church honestly.  If someone asks me, I will explain why I left the Church.   The path of someone questioning the Church is a hard and lonely one.   I traveled it.  I would not want anyone to do that alone.   So I will always be there to help someone on that path.   They do not have to agree with me.  I’m fine with that.   But I will be a place where any one can ask me anything, explore their thoughts and feelings and I will do my best to respond and be fair

3)      I have no intention of undermining any current leader of the Church.  I may disagree with them, I may point out contradictions or inaccuracies.  But since when did the “rules” change so that any disagreement with a Church leader is viewed as an attempt to undermine them and dismiss their credibility?   How many of us have had moments of serious disagreement with our parents?  Yet in those disagreements and times of criticism, do we not still love them?  Do we not not think they are a very credible influence in our lives?  We do not attempt to smear their names publicly.

4)      I have no intention of undermining the Church itself.   Once again, I do disagree with the Church, but honestly, I am just one small person.  A Church with millions of active members around the world that is as powerful and rich as the LDS Church, with billions of dollars of assets at their control, a top leadership that is filled with people with Harvard MBA’s, Law Degrees and PhD's as worldly proofs of their brilliance, such a church is hardly threatened by someone like me.  If they were, it would be akin to straining at a gnat.  

I may no longer believe in the historicity claims of the Book of Mormon, I may no longer agree with the general principles and doctrines of the foundation of the Church and how that was taught.  I may no longer view Joseph Smith as a prophet.   I may still want to discuss openly my thoughts, feelings and things that I learn about the Church with other members to get their views.  I may still want to see what members of the Church think about the issues that of the day that are facing them and getting lots of press.     

But I am NOT an Anti-Mormon.    

Extract of Mormon statistics from the Pew Research Center Survey on America's Changing Religious Landscape

Today (May 12, 2015) the Pew Research Center released a demographic survey of America’s changing religious landscape examining demographic changes for US religious groups from 2007 to 2014.   I am providing a link to the survey results published by Pew here.   

All I have done was just to pull out of the survey all of the statistics that are directly relevant to Mormonism.  If you wish to see how Mormonism demographic statistics compare to other religions you should follow the link to the PEW survey and look at the tables they have published.

The demographic results specific to Mormonism are below:

GENERAL STATS

·         Mormon Share of US Population from 2007 to 2014 from  1.7% to 1.6% Decline of 0.1%

·         36% of people raised Mormon no longer consider themselves Mormon.   Of those, 21% of them are now unaffiliated with any religion, 6% are now evangelical, 3% protestant, 2% Catholic,  1% moved to historically black protestant, 3% are now “other”

·         69% of US Mormons were born in the Church, 31% are converts.

AGE BREAKDOWN

·         Average Median age of Mormons increased from 41 to 43

·         US Mormons aged 18 to 29 declined from 24% to 22%

·         US Mormons aged 30 to 49 declined from 42% to 40%

·         US Mormons aged 50 to 64 increased from 19% to 22%

·         US Mormons aged 65 and over increased from 15% to 16%

ETHNICITY

·         Ethnicity: Whites decreased from 86%  to 85% of US Mormons

·         Ethnicity: Hispanics increased from 7% to 8% of US Mormons

·         Ethnicity: Blacks decreased from 3% to 1% of US Mormons

·         Ethnicity: Asian experienced no change, still 1% of US Mormons

·         Ethnicity:  “Others” increased from 3% to 5% of US Mormons

·         2% of Whites in the US are Mormon (unchanged from 2007)

·         1% of Hispanics in the US are Mormon (Unchanged from 2007)

·         1% of ethnicity “Other” are Mormon (unchanged from 2007)

·         A negligible % of Blacks in the US are Mormon (unchanged from 2007)

IMMIGRATION

·         85% of US Mormons are third generation immigrants with both parents having been born in the US

·         7% of US Mormons were born in the US, but had at least one parent born outside the US

·         7% of US Mormons were born outside the US

EDUCATION

·         The percentage of Mormons with at least a bachelor’s degree increased from 29% to 33%

·         27% of Mormons have at most a high school degree.

·         40% of Mormons have gone to some college but not graduated

·         23% of Mormons have a Bachelor’s degree

·         10% of Mormons have a post graduate degree

INCOME

·         26% of Mormons make less than $30K

·         21% of US Mormons make between $30 to $49K

·         38% of US Mormons make between $50K to $99K

·         16% of US Mormons make more than $100K

GENDER

·         The percentage of US Mormons that are men increased from 44 to 46%

·         The percentage of US Mormons that are women decreased from 56% to 54%

MARRIAGE

·         82% of Married Mormons have a Mormon as a spouse.  This is the second highest rate among all religious groups.  

·         The percentage of US Mormons that are married dropped from 71% to 66%.  Yet, the Mormon faith has the largest percentage of adults that are married compared to every other religious group studied by the Pew Survey

·         The percentage of US Mormons that have never been married increased from 12% to 19%

·         The percentage of US Mormons that are divorced/separated dropped from 9% to 7%.  This is the second lowest rate out of all of the religious groups studied in the Pew survey.  Only the Hindus have a lower rate

·         The percentage of Mormons who are living with a partner has remain unchanged at 3%

·         The percentage of US Mormons who are widowed has remain unchanged at 5%

·         The fertility rate among Mormons is officially the highest compared to all other religious groups in the US at an average of 3.4 children born to adults between the ages of 40-59.  

·         The average number of children at home is also the highest compared to all other religious groups at 1.1

MIGRATION

·         The percentage of Mormons living in the West has declined from 76 to 67%

·         The percentage of Mormons living in the South has increased from 12% to 20%

·         The percentage of Mormons living in the Midwest has stayed the same at 7%

·         The percentage of Mormons living in the Northeast has increased from 4% to 6%

RELIGIOUS COMPOSITION BY GENERATION

·         1% of those from the greatest generation (born before 1928) are LDS

·         2% of those from the silent generation (1928 to 1945) are LDS

·         1 % of those who are Baby Boomers (1945 to 1964) are LDS

·         2% of those who are Generation X (1965 to 1980) are LDS

·         2% of those who are Millenials (1981 to 1996) are LDS

·         All these numbers have remain unchanged from 2007 to 2014

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

·         1% of self reported gays, lesbians or bisexuals in the US consider themselves Mormon

METHODOLOGY

·         A sample size of 664 Mormons was used with a margine of error of +/-  4.9 percentage points

WHERE IS THE RIGHT PLACE?

    

 Recently, the Salt Lake Tribune reported on a story about a Sunday School Teacher who was released from his calling because he used the essay discussing race and the priesthood that was published by the LDS Church on its own website.   

     The explosion of public access and use of the Internet in the mid 90’s has made far more information available (both pro and con) regarding all things related to the Mormon world.   With the onset of social media, that information is now being shared and discussed more widely than ever before.   Discussions groups of all flavors related to Mormonism have popped up.  Blogs espousing a wide range of opinions related to the issues of Mormonism have proliferated.   Strident debates have spilled out on Facebook timelines.  A connection between this combined use of the internet/social media and the increasing number of members leaving the Church has been drawn by LDS General Authorities and its most ardent ex-Mormon critics.  That is one point that those two completely opposite groups actually agree on.  

     Some have characterized this mass apostasy as members leaving in droves even as many as several tens of thousands yearly.  Others would question that number characterizing the apostasy as much much smaller.   But a general apostasy is happening.  This is another point on which both LDS General Authorities and ex-Mormon critics of the Church agree.  Regardless of the actual size of the apostasy, the apostasy is big enough to be of concern to LDS authorities who have made preventing apostasy a theme of many recent general conference talks.  

      In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, there is a common refrain heard from devout members of the Church.   They assert that it is ok to have questions even difficult ones.   But that those difficult questions should not be entertained and discussed publicly.  They should not be raised in Sunday School classes.   However, they do all say with great unanimity that those discussion can be discussed “…in the proper place.”  I have heard that exact phrase or some variant of it from many of my devout LDS friends.  The Bishop in this article even mentions that “…the church was not the right venue for the discussion.”  

     So my question to devout LDS members and leaders is quite simple.   

Where is the right place?

    Where can a sincere devout member with difficult questions regarding church history, doctrine, and culture go to discuss those questions? 

·      

•         Can you discuss this with your spouse?  In too many instances, spouses have threatened divorce for daring to question the church. Spouses have reported their husbands or wives to the Bishop.  Often the unquestioning spouse is completely unfamiliar with the issues and feels threatened by the questions which in turn threaten the very foundation of a temple marriage.  Consequently, they respond to the threat with the biggest hammer in their arsenal.  The threat of divorce.    They run to their Bishops for help with their questioning spouse who is then summoned by the Bishop.   Many LDS discussion groups are filled with anonymous posters all afraid of losing their marriages because of their questions, some of them pretending to believe just to keep their marriages intact while painfully sacrificing the integrity of their belief.   Alternatively, there are just as many LDS discussion groups filled with spouses looking for support because their husbands and wives are questioning. They do not know how to deal with the situation.  .

• ·         Do you talk about it with friends & fellow members? Some friends are very willing and knowledgeable to discuss these items. But those are few and far between.   Many are not.  Many are uncomfortable with the topics and have just shelved them to discuss with God in the next life.   Others will worry about you or worry that your questions will hurt someone else’s testimony that might not be as strong.  That’s right, you guessed it, among them all one of them will eventually report you to the Bishop.

• ·         What about Sunday School?  As the article in the Salt Lake Tribune pointed out, Sunday school is not the place to have this discussion either.   Parents complained to their Bishop about this Sunday school teacher as well.  The Bishop himself even stated that the Church was not the proper venue for the discussion.  Sunday school is a place to be spiritually edified and not necessarily the place to engage in academic debate, so when a difficult or controversial question is raised and entertained, it isn’t long before someone complains to the Bishop.  A second comment is often added here.   Teachers should stick to the lesson plans and not teach outside it.   A report to the Bishop is also the common response here when people try to use Sunday School as the “proper venue for discussion.”

• ·         What about Institute?   Institute would actually be a great place to have these discussions.  But access to institute is limited.  Adults over 30 (probably comprising the largest group of people asking questions) are not eligible to participate in Institute.  

• ·         What about a gospel discussion group or a scripture study group either on social media or in person?  These are frowned upon.  Plenty of people have tried to start these and told to shut them down by local leadership after hearing a report from a member who has been exposed to a group attempting to digest the difficult questions. In some cases, local leaders have actually assigned someone to monitor those groups, discussions, writings for any sign of apostasy. Others have been asked directly by their local leaders to stop it.    

• ·         What about Bishops and Stake Presidents?   Great answer!  Except do we really want to send every member who has a difficult question to the Bishop?  Don’t they have enough to do already?  As this article clearly pointed out, not every bishop is even aware of the problems and the issues, and the resources to respond to them.  Many Bishops are totally unprepared for the onslaught of questions and do not have answers.  The impact to the faith is startling to those with questions when they realize that their local Bishop is unaware of the issues and unaware of resources to deal with those issues.   The two Bishops that I know who actually understood these issues were actually released for daring to attempt to provide direction and answers to those coming to them with questions.   Ironically, they were reported on to their Stake Presidents.  Perhaps more guidance should be given to the bishops on how the Church would like them to handle difficult church related questions, in addition to the marital issues they are facing, in addition to helping many chart their repentance as a judge in Israel, in addition to dealing with welfare issues in a ward, and…well, we all know they are incredibly busy.  By default, Bishops are becoming the only person in the ward with whom one is allowed to have such a “discussion” since many are reporting those with the courage to openly ask questions to the Bishop. And sadly, many Bishops are not ready to have those discussions.  Yet, many are pointing to their Bishops as the only person and the only place where someone is allowed to have those discussions.     

     Is the Bishop really the ONLY proper venue to ask these difficult questions?  Well then, let’s send everyone with a tough question to the Bishop since apparently there is no other church sanctioned place to send those doubters!    

     Do you think I am exaggerating?   Stories abound of people with questions being reported on to their bishops for just trying to understand the difficult issues associated with Mormonism.   Members with hard questions are told that they should not turn to ex-mormons for information about the Church.  They will only fill them with “anti-mormon lies and opinions”  As the Apostle Neil L. Anderson put it in his October 2014 talk in General Conference “…studying the Church through the eyes of its defectors is like interviewing Judas to understand Jesus”   Ok then,…let’s cut out the evil ex-Mormons from the discussion.  Instead of asking defectors, these sincere people with hard questions have attempted to raise those questions with devout members of the Church either in person, in online groups, in Sunday School…anywhere…seeking faith promoting answers.  Instead, they get turned in to their Bishops perceived on their path to apostasy and accused of daring to raise publicly a difficult question that might hurt the testimony of others.  

     Are LDS members so afraid of open discussion of difficult questions that a proper venue is required as the only location those questions are allowed?  I ask again.  Is there a proper venue other then the Bishop? If so…..Where is that place?

     Let me add this thought.  If there had been a right place, a proper venue for discussion…there would be no need for discussion groups, Mormon themed podcasts, and Facebook groups.  The environment that gave rise to someone like John Dehlin would not have existed.   And frankly, if there had been a proper place, a place where a questioning member could feel safe to fully entertain in depth these difficult questions without fear of being reported onto the bishop, without fear of somehow being seen as a lesser member for even having doubts, the size of the apostasy would probably have been much smaller and many who are ex-mormons might still be devout.      

    But as of today, there is no safe place church wide for a devout member to ask difficult and direct questions regarding history, doctrine, and cultural issues of the Church.  If there is, I challenge someone to point out what the “proper venue” is for those questions church wide.   Where is it?  Many have already apostatized in part because they could not find such a place and felt pushed out for pushing to find answers.   Thousands more are looking for it. 

The Mormon Civil War in the 21st Century

     Let’s be honest and just be blunt about it.   There is a very real civil war that is raging in the Mormon world in the 21^st Century.   This is more than a BYU versus the University of Utah football game.   Rather, there is a very clear state of hostility and conflict that exists between LDS Church leadership, its devout followers and those that are challenging the church culturally, doctrinally, socially, and historically.   These challenges to the LDS Church are being led by Mormons who are still active, Mormons who are less active, Mormons who are pretending to be active, and Mormons who are no longer recognized by the Church as Mormons.   It is a conflict being waged from without and within.   It is pitting Mormon versus Mormon, Spouse versus Spouse,   Parent versus Child, Brother versus Brother, Friend versus Friend, and Church leaders against the doubters, intellectuals, many women, gays and a changing society at large.      

     I call it a war because there are very real casualties.   People have died in this war.   Yes.  To ignore this fact is to willfully stick your head in the sand about the consequences of all this debate, hoping to be ignorant to the terrors of war.   How have they died?  There are many who have committed suicide because of this Mormon civil war.  I repeat, people are dying because of this war.   I wish someone in the Church leadership would understand and acknowledge this fact openly.  

     But the consequences of this war as with any war include devastation in addition to death.   Families have been broken up because of this war: divorce, children taken away from one parent and taught to be afraid of the one and hold on to the other.   Relatives cease speaking to one another for years.   People have been evicted out of their apartments because of this war and homelessness has resulted because of this war.    Torrents of tears have been shed over this war and hearts devastated in cruel fashion.   Millions of dollars have been lost because of this war.   People have lost faith or been excommunicated: suffering an “eternal death” in the eyes of the Mormon faith.   Many are suffering from depression as a result; others have lost their jobs or seen their livelihoods taken away from them.   

     This may seem like an anti-Mormon piece to some.  It is not.  Rather it is a frank acknowledgement of what is going on in the overall Mormon world today.   People on both sides of this civil war are suffering from the effects of this war.

     There are many wounded in this war, survivors with terrible scars suffering from grief and post traumatic syndrome.  They have flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety including uncontrollable thoughts about how this Mormon civil war is impacting them.  There is anger, and thoughts of revenge or payback.   There is resentment and a feeling of intense persecution.  There is terrible loneliness. 

     Death and ruin is happening to individuals and families because of this war.   And sadly, this war is being waged in all corners of the Mormon world every day.    

     Where are the battles of this war?  Several fronts have emerged. Each one has been the subject of millions of words penned by thousands of people who have engaged their voices and opinions in the battle.  I do not need to describe them at great length here.  Other sources have done a much better job of describing both sides of the various issues being fought over.  

     In summary, some of these issues include: The Ordain Women Movement, Gay Rights, Intellectual Freedom, Financial Transparency, Historicity & Translation of the Book of Mormon, The Character of Joseph Smith and his many other wives, what actually happened in the First Vision, how the LDS Church spends its money both corporate and tithed, and the means and methods the LDS Church leadership both general and local are employing to respond, ignore, address or suppress these and many other issues currently being fought over.  

     Great debates and arguments are taking place online over these issues.  There is a vibrant underground of active Mormons who disagree with the Church, but still putting forth the faces of true believers for the sake of preserving their families.   Thousands of LDS families have seen this war break out within the walls of their homes.  Homes that started out with great love and promise and now wrecked with grief and sadness. 

MEDIA

     Of course, as with any war, the media is involved.   The Huffington Post, Deseret News, Salt Lake Tribune, New York Times, and many others news outlets local, national and global are spreading far and wide accounts of many of the Mormon Civil War battles for millions of non-Mormons to read.   Our civil war is no longer just a little family affair to be kept amongst us Mormons.   It is clear to the rest of the world that we are no longer the incredibly united little church we once were many many years ago.   Well over half of our stated membership of 15 million no longer attends or self-identify as Mormons.

     Social Media is being used by both sides as tools to wage this war, spread propaganda, denounce it, encourage it, promote it, provide a place of shelter or a means to fan the flames.      

     Even our entertainment world is being dragged into this war as evidenced by the Book of Mormon Musical, the Meet the Mormons movie and the I am a Mormon campaign.

     The point of this post is not to promote one side or the other.  Although anyone who knows me, already knows where I stand. 

     In war, there is always wrong being committed by both sides in the heat of their anger and frustration.  Each side can point to atrocities of the other.  Each side firmly believing in the virtue of their cause and that they are in the right.   Leaders on both sides are filled with passionate conviction and a willingness to stand up for their beliefs in the face of intense opposition and yes, hostility.  

     Rather, I want to take a step back and paint a broader picture of the many individual battles being fought over the various issues being debated and view them as one giant panorama.  I want to point out that these many debated issues have gone far beyond mere heated academic debate.  The image is clear.  Devastation has clearly resulted.  There are REAL casualties.  People on BOTH sides are suffering greatly and lives have been lost.   Many may not realize it, but like it or not.  This is war.   

     No one involved on either side ever wanted this war.  But war is what we have.  We may never come to an agreement on the issues being debated.  But certainly, we can find a way together to lessen the devastation. No more suicides, no more divorces, no more real devastation because of disagreements over Mormonism.  Isn't that something both sides can agree on?  Isn't that something that both sides can work on together?   

A Response to : When Doubts and Questions Arise (March 2015 Ensign)

I have recently seen the following article being shared on various social media: When Doubts and Questions Arise   in the March 2015 Ensign.   This topic has been a frequent one in the Mormon Church over the last few years with the recent admission that the Church is in the greatest period of apostasy since the days of Kirtland.   More and more talks have been devoted to this and related subjects in recent General Conferences. The Church has recently released several essays dealing with some of the topics that have led some to doubt and question.  The Church has recently excommunicated several high profile people and many lesser known individuals for their public expression of doubt.  It is clear that the LDS Church is at war with doubt in the Church.   Undoubtedly, the numbers of people leaving the Church with unresolved doubts and questions is significant enough that its leaders have felt the need to address it often and in some case with very strong language.

The article suggests that the difference between a questioner and a doubter is obedience. The author, Adam Kotter, states that  “A sincere questioner continues to be obedient while searching for answers” Mr. Kotter then goes on to point out what he believes is its opposite:  “…when people doubt their beliefs, they often suspend their commitments while waiting for answers. The doubter’s posture is generally to withhold obedience or limit it, pending resolution of doubts”

The above statement is printed in an LDS Church publication that is taken by some to be almost scripture.  It is a publication that has its contents shared regularly with its many members by trusted home teachers.   Many devout LDS families read diligently from the Ensign in their weekly Family Home Evenings.  The article was approved by the Church for publication in this article and thus it tacitly agrees with this view. This is how the Mormon Church views doubters and how it wants its members to view doubters: As people who want to be disobedient and modern day Korihors who are asking for a sign.    

I COMPLETELY REJECT THAT PREMISE

The article builds harmful walls, equating doubters with sinners and the disobedient. Just because one has doubts, does not mean that they are automatically going to disobey. I categorically reject that premise. If anything, I have learned that for most of those who begin to have doubts in the LDS Church, that their initial reaction is more often to INCREASE their obedience in an attempt to get answers precisely because they have been taught by the LDS Church that there is a correlation between worthiness, obedience and answers to prayers.  If anything, especially in the early phases of such doubt, doubters are MORE obedient than those who do not question.   They are taking increased care and watchfulness  that they are doing all that is expected of them in their quest for answers.  They ensure that their tithing is paid, that they are praying regularly, reading scriptures regularly, going to the Temple, holding family home evenings, keeping commandments and covenants and not even remotely considering buying a Coke.  

And yet, as they increase their obedience, they are met with accusations for daring to explore those questions.   Some get turned in to their Bishops for daring to question and seek answers openly and with integrity.   For the sake of sheer honesty, clarity and transparency, I would suggest the Church redefine what it means by a “sincere question.”   A sincere question is one that will lead you to believe that the Church is true.  All other questions are doubts and could not possibly be sincere.   Expressing any one of them is a sin and a sign of disobedience.  

John 20:24-29 we find the story of Thomas the Apostle.   He is perhaps the most famous doubter of all.   He expresses his doubt openly.   How did Jesus handle his doubt?  Did he condemn him for being disobedient?  No, he answered his questions!  

Matthew 28:17 We learn that even some of the remaining apostles still doubted even after knowing he was resurrected.  Christ responds to them and the Bible goes on to record their zeal in their missionary efforts after that visit. 

Acts 10:17 Peter is doubting a vision he had, and then the marvelous story of Cornelius unfolds addressing his very doubts and increasing his power and faith.  

In every case, these people are not condemned for their doubts, they are not accused of being disobedient, instead, they found answers, they found reason for faith.   

Will the author of this article have the temerity to suggest that Peter was disobedient, that some of the Eleven were sinners and that Thomas was the equivalent of Korihor? Shall they too be excommunicated for publicly expressing their doubt in a place no less visible than the scriptures themselves?     

A doubt IS when sincere question becomes more than a simple question.  Initial indications are troubling and raises the motivation to know.   And so it becomes a quest for truth. I wrote about this in my blog post “Doubting does not make you an apostate” 

Also let us be clear on the object of doubt.  The leaders of the LDS Church are attempting to equate doubt in the LDS Church with doubt in God and Christ.   Indeed, the many scriptures cited enjoining one not to doubt are telling you to not doubt Christ and to not doubt God.   Active LDS members that find themselves doubting are often not doubting God or Christ.  Rather, they are doubting the foundational claims of the institutional LDS Church.   The LDS Church is not God. 

The article goes on to explore the connection, well known by members of the Church, between worthiness and answers to prayers.   If you are not getting answers to your prayers and to your questions, then according to the article, the initial reaction should be to look inward and ask “Lord, is it I?”  A principle of LDS Faith is that answers do not come to the disobedient.  The problem with that premise is that then no one should ever receive an answer, for we have all sinned in one way or another.  This leads to an unhealthy destruction of the self.  As answers continue to elude the questions begin:  Where else have I been unworthy?  A downward spiral begins where truly good and wonderful people suffer great depression and in some cases consider, attempt or sadly even succeed at suicide as their doubts in the Church increase and they are met with wall after wall in their quest to find answers.   

It is not the doubt itself that creates the depression and leads to suicide.  But rather, the reaction of the Church and its members to those who doubt.  Making doubters feel as not worthy, casting them out as sinners and disobedient exactly as this article suggests. 

Is it any wonder that many active LDS members who begin to doubt, are filled with fear at raising those doubts? The scriptures teach us that “perfect love casteth out fear”  1 John 4:18   yet there is no perfect love for those who doubt in the Church.  Instead there is nothing but fear.  Lots of it.   Fear that leads to divorce, to ostracism and sometimes excommunication.   In not a single instance in scripture, is there fear of doubt, in each case when Christ was faced with a doubter, he embraced them and gave them a reason to have faith.  

Sadly, the author of this article is still not finished with condemning doubters.  He seems a doubter as someone who is “…talking yourself into answers you want to believe rather than receiving true answers from God”

TO A MAN AND WOMAN, of the hundreds I know who have left the Church, and the hundreds of additional stories I have read of those who left the Church.  Every single one of these people WANTED the Church to be true.   The answers they wanted were ones that validated for them that the LDS Church was true, which was their starting point.   No one talks themselves into it a disbelief of the Church. Rather, they start off aggressively attacking those doubts and assuming them to be false.  And as their doubts rose, they kept trying to talk themselves into an answer that supported the Church.   LDS leaders completely fail to either recognize or acknowledge this.   

The final insult is that the author implies that those who doubt are not willing to do what it takes to get an answer.   Are doubters willing to do what it takes?  YES…a thousand times yes.   If a general authority believes that those who have left the Church have not prayed diligently, inquired diligently, fasted, went to the temple, magnified their callings with greater diligence, and attempted in all ways to be more obedient in their quest for truth…then he does not know his people and has no hope of offering them any help. Instead, he does exactly as this article does…alienates them even further and accelerates their exit from the Church. 

Kicking your children out of the house: The excommunications of John Dehlin and Kate Kelly

I have been a proud and devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints almost my entire life.   There were so many things I loved about being Mormon.   Among them was the huge emphasis on family.   I am not just talking about the supremely important focus on eternal families either.   The Church itself was a family.  We call one another brother and sister.   We looked out for one another.   We were friends beyond Church.   There is such a tight knit community in a local ward, that many ward members genuinely look upon one another as family.  

I was raised by a single mother.   I can’t begin to tell you what a great support the Church, our ward especially, was for her and for us.   Lots of men stepped in as surrogate fathers to take me to father’s and sons outings or to Priesthood activities.  When my grandmother fell seriously ill and my mom needed to go out of the country to help care for her, the ward looked over her three young children as if we were their own.   The Church was my life 24/7.  

The two episodes regarding the excommunication of John Dehlin and Kate Kelly has brought out the best and worst in many people associated with the LDS world, both among devout Mormons and former Mormons and every shade of belief & membership in between.   What strikes me about the discourse by some devout members is how glad many of them are that Kate and John are no longer members of the Church.  They not only defend the action of the Church in excommunicating them, they applaud it.  Some have truly wished them well and have respected their decision while disagreeing with their views.  But others have gone so far as to call them the anti-Christ, they've compared them to Satan, or definitely at least one of Satan’s minions (although without the yellow skin color).  They have not only cheered their excommunications, but have basically commented that they were glad they were gone…”don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”     

One image that recently come to mind as I have considered their excommunications is Christ’s parable of the prodigal son.   Most certainly, from the perspective of a devout member of the Church, both John and Kate would be considered prodigals.   They did not want to wait for answers.  They wanted them now.   They see John and Kate as people who have taken their share of the Father’s estate (the blessings of the restored Gospel) and gone and wasted it.    I would not be surprised if some of them now expect John and Kate to engage in riotous living now that they have left their Father’s home.   As one interviewer asked John, “Will you drink coffee now?”     

But something about that parable and every single one of Christ’s teachings hit me as I pondered that analogy.   The Father of the prodigal son never kicks his son out of the house.  He actually gave his prodigal son what he asked.   The prodigal decides to leave on his own and sure enough, off he goes.   There is no possible image in my mind, no scenario where I can hear Christ’s voice chainging the parable to where it is the Father kicking the prodigal son out of his home.   I cannot see the Father of the prodigal son going back into his house proclaiming  “good riddance!”   Yet that is exactly what many of John and Kate’s former family members, former brother and sisters are saying today.  Good riddance!

I keep hearing that if they don’t like the Church they should leave.   Problem is, for John and Kate and many others like them…the Church was always more than just a religious organization to them.   It was their family.  Have you ever disagreed with your spouse? With your brother and sister?   Have you ever tried to change your spouse, brother or sister?   Have you ever been critical of your spouse, brother, or sister?   Who are the people with whom you should be most transparent and vulnerable?  -- your family.   John and Kate love the Church and still do.  It has been their family for their whole lives.   And now, their family has kicked them out of the house for doing what we all do in our families – disagree and want to talk about it openly.           

But rather than the New Testament parable of love and forgiveness, there appears to be an Old Testament analogy that is more fitting here.   John and Kate have reached out in their hearts just simply with an attempt to “steady the ark”, something that they both love dearly and deeply.  The Old Testament God instead has struck them down as Uzzah of old.   They may not be literally dead as Uzzah was in the Old Testament, but with every eternal blessing known in the LDS heavens revoked, from an LDS perspective, they might as well be. A not so uncommon saying by some LDS parents is that they would rather see their kids dead than leave the Church.     

Many years ago, I interviewed at a company in Utah.  The guy that picked me up at the airport seemed obviously LDS to me.   It wasn't long before we started talking about the Church.  His feelings were hard and bitter.   It was inconceivable to me, but years previously, he was scared and nervous about going on a mission, very hesitant about committing to it.   His father walked into his room three months after his 19^th birthday and asked him, “are you going on a mission?”  When he said he still wasn't sure…the father kicked him out of the house.   I have no doubt that there is more to the story than what he shared, but sadly his is not the only story with a similar theme.  Since then I have heard of many and documented hundreds of stories of Mormons who have been kicked out of their homes because of their doubts or lack of belief in the Church, marriages that have ended up in divorce as one spouse loses their testimony and the other kicks them out of the house and away from their children for no longer believing, some whose depression at being kicked out by their loved ones has led to deep depression and suicide.   Those are some of the people that John was fighting for.  Some of the women whose voice Kate carried.  

I can understand why so many devout members defend and applaud the excommunication of both John and Kate.  Yet, somehow, I can’t help but think that Christ would have handled things somewhat differently.  In full view of his disciples, Christ answered the questions of Thomas, the famous doubter, and showed him the evidence of his death and resurrection.…Christ told him that he was blessed for his questioning spirit.    Christ, as the Father of the prodigal son, would have never kicked his children out of the house.   Yes, John and Kate disagreed and were critical of the Church and its doctrine, but what is always left out, is that they loved the Church, the Church was their family.  And their family has just kicked them out.